Caution. This Is Not Written In A Sane State Of Mind

Indeed. I am feeling rather peculiar today.

Perhaps this would better describe my feelings. I am feeling rather lazy.

We're All Looking Forward To The Future

Because I don't think I'm going to live that long, and I honestly can't see myself five years later.

(On a completely unrelated note, I just watched The Men Who Stare At Goats this morning, and I'm loving that movie. It knocked Inglorious Basterds off the list.)

Well anyway. I want to get into Taylor's College. I want to drive there everyday. Occasionally I would go back to Tsun Jin and pop in to see S3S3 (woot!) and EEDS. I want to make a lot of friends and we'd hang out together and wreck havoc upon campus. I'm going to dye my hair a fantastic shade of red. I'll go on trips with my friends to Thailand, Singapore, Australia (and see Spoons), some parts of China. I'll live the glorious, happy, worry-less life. I want to go to a OneRepublic concert. I want to cycle again. I want to play tennis again. I want to buy a tablet and spend rainy days working on the stack of line-arts I've drawn these past four years. I want to get a pet hedgehog and bring it to parks and take pictures. I want to go to cosplay conventions with friends. I want to join the Debating Team, the Comic society and maybe even the Photography Club, the Drama society, or anything else that perks my interest. I want to be able to update my blog regularly and give it face lifts every now and then. I want to dabble in everything. I want to learn French. I want to paint. I want to be able to draw the entire day, pencils and ink pens strewn over my table. I want to make sea-salt ice-cream and bake cookies and cook dinner for my family and relatives. I want to live my life.

In short, I don't want another life where I have to wake up at 6.30 in the morning, wear the same uniform, pick up the same bag, wear the same shoes, meet the same people, do the same things, and then end the year thinking to myself, what did I accomplish this year? Have I finished one of my pet projects? Have I done anything inspiring? Have I been totally immersed in doing something I want? And I have to ask myself, Could I focus that much time and effort into something outside of schoolwork?

I've lived this past 5 fucking years of my life being stuck in a rut. I haven't improved anywhere. I have at least half a dozen unfinished pet projects lying around my room. I never have the time to sit down properly and JUST DO THEM. I always get told to not waste my time.

What use are they going to be?


Can you learn anything useful for school?


You can't afford to spend time on these frivolous things.

Yesterday my dad asked me whether 'Sandisk' was the best thumbdrive brand out there. I zoned out for a while, and said, "I don't know." My mom commented that recently all I've said is "I don't know." or "I'm tired." And I honestly couldn't muster the energy to talk to her anymore.

I don't even read the newspaper now. The only things I read are textbooks and workbooks and past year papers. I go on Facebook and click around and I close my computer again. I open my math text book, attempt a question or so, then close it. I pull out my Chemistry textbook and stare at the equations and formulas and names of acids and bases and their color and their state and whether or not they're soluble in water, or organic solvents, and their reactions with other elements. I do Physics past years without much thought. I scribble away on Biology papers. I stare out the window when I feel my head getting too full, and when I look back at the papers on my desk I find that everything has escaped out the windows.

So I repeat.

Birthday Wishlist

...because I'm too cheap to buy all this for myself. Obviously  I think conning enough people into getting it for my birthday will help with my incontrollable shopping desires and weeping wallet.

I need, most importantly, a violin tuner. Anyone who can manage to get me one, I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER.

The rest  here are books, listed in no particular order:

• The Small Hand (A Ghost Story) [Susan Hill]
• The Magician's Guild/High Lord/The Novice [Trudi Canavan]
• Will Grayson, Will Grayson [John Green & David Levithan]
• The Less-Dead [April Lurie]
• The Hunter Games trilogy
• Slice of Cherry [Dio Reeves]
• The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie [Alan Bradley]
• The Weed That Strings the Hangman's Bag [Alan Bradley]
• The Case of the Missing Servant [Tarquin Hall]
• The Baker Street Letters [Michael Robertson]

...Yes, this is a desperate attempt to beg for books. I HAZ NO MOAR! DDD:

I'm Doing the Gandalf.

Nothing pwns Gandalf.

Being Inconsequential

I understand that I have not updated in a scandalously long time, and even now I just dropped in to get some stuff off my chest.

Some updates, so you can skip the pathetic rant later:

• My PSP was fixed, thanks to that guy in Times Square. :D
• I haven't read KHR since mentioned in the last post, so I totally don't know the direction of where ever it's going.
• I totally died in the HELP Debate.
• I found out that I have self-esteem issues.
• I need a better reason to live.
• Perhaps Science stream isn't for me.
• I have an Obsession (yes, it's capitalized.) with Kingdom Hearts.
• More specifically, Roxas.
• Roxas is my religion.
• I need more sleep.
• My mum has issues with me, and she's playing favorites to my brother.
• Even though I love my brother and all.
• I screwed up this exam too.
• C2age!!!! It's got the most perfect timing ever! But guess what? None of my friends can accompany me...
• ...and my mum says I cannot go alone.
• FUUUUUUUUUUUUU---

Yeah, that's basically a very very concentrated version of whatever shit happened recently. Those I can think of, anyway.

I had a longer post/rant I actually planned for yesterday, but it's full of emo and angst and insecurity so screw it I'm not going to make my blog more negative than it already is.

I need more time in my life.

Nerd Rage

I must live with the knowledge that Bear Bear and Goldfish has finished Kingdom Hearts: Birth By Sleep in much less time than I used to get my characters up to the level they are now.

Then I have to live with the fact that my PSP has gone all sorts of wrong, and that formatting it and trying to hack it with my uber awesome noob skillz is just a waste my time. In my defense, I spent around 4 hours repeating the same action. Hack, pray, fail, sigh, hack, pray, fail, sigh, hack, pray, fail, sigh... You sort of get the gist. Now I'm putting all hopes on other technology nerds to help me fix my baebii so I can play on it. (I wither at the thought of playing Terra's. I have to go through the boss again. I mean, I was IN THE MIDST of destroying it when my baebii died. WHAT THE-) I mean, I missed last year's year-end holidays, this year's CNY holidays, and NOW I AM GOING TO GO WITHOUT MY BAEBII FOR THIS HOLS? OVER MY DEAD BODY.

Right. So now, I have a week to scout out a decent tech nerd and have him fix my baebii for me, hope he won't crap rip me off (being a supreme awesome noob that I am) and hopefully have enough time to at least move to the other worlds on any of my characters.

Now, onto another point in my continous case of nerd rage, KHR is starting to get very irritating. Right now I'm onto chapter 329, where Enma turns into this ugly mindless killing machine (so. not. cool.) and Daemon is an ass AND IS HE GOING TO RAEP CHROME?! Oh no, he's not, he's going to undo his 'mind control'. This is apparently to lure Mukuro out. Does he not know that Hibari will bite him to death if somebody else fights his enemy before he does? I mean like wow. Also, since when does Chrome have those C cups? From the very first time we've been introduced to her she's got modest boobs but now it's like O_O. I'm thinking too much into this. Also, she's going to 'sacrifice herself' so that Mukuro doesn't get tricked to fight Daemon and most likely die (but then again, the Vongola Tenth & Family never dies. They magically recuperate. LIKE YAMAMOTO. WHATTHEHELL IS HE DOING IN BATTLE.) Obviously Mukuro will appear, and then they'll talk cock, sing song and play mahjong all the while CHROME IS DYING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM WHERE SHE IS BEING TIED UP WITH MISSING VITAL ORGANS. My mind, it does not comprehend.

Alright, so I'm either in a bad mood or I've 'seen the light' but KHR doesn't make me fangirl anymore. Occasionally I still do, but not often. Perhaps I'm nerd raging over my baebii. :\

Japan's 9.0 magnitude (it raised from 8.9 to 9.0. That is just scary.) earthquake/tsunami is mind-blasting. Imagine that ridiculous volume of water being backed by the sheer amount of power, and it all comes crashing down on your house, but that doesn't matter, because by then half of Malaysia will be gone and no one will bother about you because you're a nobody and everybody else is suffering the same fate anyway. Wow my mind amazes myself sometimes. That aside, I'm tired and I've gotten fat. OH THE HORROR.

(Major) Understatements

So.

I've apparently missed about a month's worth of blogging. Considering one month's worth of blog posts (coming from, well, me) isn't much, I suppose I could catch up?

Mid-terms just ended and I don't feel elated (understatement) but instead a cold ebb of fear deep by the corners of my stomach. This probably has something to do with the fact that Parents' Day is OMFG LESS THAN TWO WEEKS AWAY and I sort of drifted by during my exams. Y'know, being confident and all... (MAJOR understatement.)

Okay, so I blew my mid-terms. I don't think I can care anymore.

Debating tomorrow. D: Despite what our new coach told us, (Ms Atiq is a lovely, lovely person.) I am still feeling the butterflies in the process of spawning, and also slightly worried about my humor. Perhaps reading too much Skulduggery Pleasant in two days isn't that much of a good idea. It has turned my usually wicked humor into something less... wicked.

A whole week of holidays. Can you imagine? The relief, the delight, the Elysian peace.... and I can breathe at last! (cookies to those who know where that line came from!) So many things I want to do... But firstly, Kingdom Hearts: Birth By Sleep.