We're All Looking Forward To The Future

Because I don't think I'm going to live that long, and I honestly can't see myself five years later.

(On a completely unrelated note, I just watched The Men Who Stare At Goats this morning, and I'm loving that movie. It knocked Inglorious Basterds off the list.)

Well anyway. I want to get into Taylor's College. I want to drive there everyday. Occasionally I would go back to Tsun Jin and pop in to see S3S3 (woot!) and EEDS. I want to make a lot of friends and we'd hang out together and wreck havoc upon campus. I'm going to dye my hair a fantastic shade of red. I'll go on trips with my friends to Thailand, Singapore, Australia (and see Spoons), some parts of China. I'll live the glorious, happy, worry-less life. I want to go to a OneRepublic concert. I want to cycle again. I want to play tennis again. I want to buy a tablet and spend rainy days working on the stack of line-arts I've drawn these past four years. I want to get a pet hedgehog and bring it to parks and take pictures. I want to go to cosplay conventions with friends. I want to join the Debating Team, the Comic society and maybe even the Photography Club, the Drama society, or anything else that perks my interest. I want to be able to update my blog regularly and give it face lifts every now and then. I want to dabble in everything. I want to learn French. I want to paint. I want to be able to draw the entire day, pencils and ink pens strewn over my table. I want to make sea-salt ice-cream and bake cookies and cook dinner for my family and relatives. I want to live my life.

In short, I don't want another life where I have to wake up at 6.30 in the morning, wear the same uniform, pick up the same bag, wear the same shoes, meet the same people, do the same things, and then end the year thinking to myself, what did I accomplish this year? Have I finished one of my pet projects? Have I done anything inspiring? Have I been totally immersed in doing something I want? And I have to ask myself, Could I focus that much time and effort into something outside of schoolwork?

I've lived this past 5 fucking years of my life being stuck in a rut. I haven't improved anywhere. I have at least half a dozen unfinished pet projects lying around my room. I never have the time to sit down properly and JUST DO THEM. I always get told to not waste my time.

What use are they going to be?


Can you learn anything useful for school?


You can't afford to spend time on these frivolous things.

Yesterday my dad asked me whether 'Sandisk' was the best thumbdrive brand out there. I zoned out for a while, and said, "I don't know." My mom commented that recently all I've said is "I don't know." or "I'm tired." And I honestly couldn't muster the energy to talk to her anymore.

I don't even read the newspaper now. The only things I read are textbooks and workbooks and past year papers. I go on Facebook and click around and I close my computer again. I open my math text book, attempt a question or so, then close it. I pull out my Chemistry textbook and stare at the equations and formulas and names of acids and bases and their color and their state and whether or not they're soluble in water, or organic solvents, and their reactions with other elements. I do Physics past years without much thought. I scribble away on Biology papers. I stare out the window when I feel my head getting too full, and when I look back at the papers on my desk I find that everything has escaped out the windows.

So I repeat.